I'm NOT a Hanger!

Recently, I saw a picture depicting the different types of body. The first one was labeled "normal" and had non-touching legs, flat tummy, and small chest. The next one was "chubby" and depicted a not-so-flat middle, touching legs, and a larger chest. It went on and on until the person was unhumanly large. The entire post made me quite upset, naturally.

To label something normal means there has to be a norm to begin with. We would say that it is normal for someone to have all the appropriate body parts. We would consider it abnormal if someone was born without arms or legs (but we love them nonetheless). We consider it abnormal for a parent to hate their child, because parents love their children. To say that a certain body type is normal shows a narrow-minded view of the diversity of the world. It is no less insulting to say that a certain skin color is normal and all others are abnormal and should be changed. Why should we give a pass to someone who thinks everyone should be skinny?

I have come to the conclusion that the reason they use skinny models is because they are not powerful enough to take on the clothing they wear. I saw a plus size swimsuit model recently who was so beautiful that I didn't notice her swimsuit at all. I could only focus on how radiant she was. She oozed confidence! The swimsuit didn't own her, she owned the swimsuit! It was no longer about the clothing, it was about the person. On the show "Ugly Betty" one of the main characters said "Designers only want to put their clothes on skinny hangers" and it is true. Nobody noticed the hanger, they notice the clothing. I don't want to be a hanger!

Today, I was talking to my students about the importance of being happy with who you are. I told them that there is no such thing as a normal body because God made us all different. I also shared a truth that was told to me by one of the wisest men I have known: the late Preacher Burdette, the pastor who started the church I attend. When I was coming into my teen years, I tried so hard to fit in. He noticed this and said to me "When you try to change yourself or cover up who you really are, it's like you're telling God 'Thanks but I don't like what you'e created'. So be happy with yourself." Even though it was forever ago, that advice remains with me, and I was happy to pass wisdom on to my students.

Now, I make a vow. I will be happy with myself and who God created me to be. Thick, thin, tall, or short, I am just who God wants me to be and I will be thankful that He created me that way.

True Beauty

One of the most vague objectives in becoming Proverbs 31 is to show true beauty. I mean, seriously, how are you supposed to do that when there are so many ways to be beautiful. If you were to look at the American style of beauty (according to media) you would see stick thin women wearing flamboyant makeup, revealing a lot of skin, and having various hairstyles.

But not everyone is like that. Not even the models in the magazine look like the models in the magazine! Thanks to digital editing and makeup, you can look however you want to.

Is this fabricated standard of beauty the true beauty we should strive for? To be thin and fake? No!

We are all told that true beauty comes from within. That one's personality is more valuable that the outward appearance. This is true, but beauty shouldn't be based on your personality alone. After all, a pig can have a sweet disposition, but if it rolls in the muck, no one would want it in their house.

There has to be a balance. To take care of one's self but not become overly concerned with appearance. Also, to have a stunning personality that can win over anyone.

On Pinterest (my social media of choice), I see so many posts and debates on which is the perfect body type: skinny, curvy, or fit. I am here to say that there is no one type of body that is perfect.

DO YOU HEAR ME? THERE IS NO PERFECT BODY TYPE!!!

There are PLENTY of things that taste better than skinny OR healthy. Trust me, I have tried almost everything. The only people who are going to criticize your body type are those who are so self conscious that they resort to putting others down to help themselves feel better. So why would you change for them when they clearly don't deserve you?

My dad recently opened up to me about when he was going bald in his early 20's. He said that it bothered him at first, but them he decided to embrace to and shaved his head. Now he makes jokes and brags about his baldness. Like my dad, I am learning to take my insecurities and imperfections and embrace them, instead of change them to satisfy my critics and the narrow-minded media.

Of course, if you don't like something about yourself you can always change it, but don't change yourself and make your life miserable in the process. Do it to make YOU happy!

I had an associate to lose a lot of weight at the beginning of last year. At the same time, I was gaining due to stress. This person would make me feel miserable and put me down every time we were together. It got so bad that I quit hanging out with them and kept our relationship strictly professional. They wanted me to change to be like them, and I refused to conform to how they thought I should be. Yes, it hurt to let go of a friend, but negative influences have no place in my life.

The only person on this earth that I choose to influence me is my husband, and rightly so! After all, it is he who matters most in my life. He loves my body just the way it is. I don't want to change something that my other half sees as so wonderful.

Yesterday, I came home to find that my husband had taken every article of clothing from the bedroom or laundry room and folded them or put them on a hanger, and were ready to be put away. I was speechless! I was so thrilled that he had helped me with the housework! He even paired my cardigans with shirts he thought looked nice together. As I was putting the clothes away, I was noticing the amount of clothing I had and how beautiful they were. Then I asked myself, how much of these clothes show my worth as a woman of God? The answer: NONE.

I have resolved that for Lent, I am going to be more conscious about my clothing, from what I buy to what I wear. I want it to show that God owns me, not the opinions of others. I am not going to shop for the fun of it. I will refrain from shopping at clothing stores unless my husband or a family member is with me. That way, I am less likely to buy unnecessary things. I am also going to be thinning down on my clothes and get rid of anything that is immodest or shows self-focus. I do not want to be noticed for my killer bod (which is long past gone) or fashion sense anymore. I want to show the world that I am not owned by opinions or media anymore. I have grown past that. I am not saying I am going to be like Abnegation (for all of you Divergent fans!) and never think of my appearance or myself. I want to present myself as a woman of God. I want to place my husband before myself, and God before my husband. The best way to achieve this is to purge what I focus on the most - myself - and replace it with the tings that are more important.

Wish me luck!

Lovely Legs

This picture made me giggle. It also has inspired today's post!

Way back in the day of your grandmother, curves were highly valued in America. They were a sign of sex appeal. They were a sign of health. They were what men desired.

Women back in the day looked more like this:

Notice her lower half. Large, meaty thighs, a firm tush, and killer calves! This was an ideal woman in the 50's. Her tummy was small, and her hips were full.

For contrast, let us look at an ideal woman model today:

Notice her overall thinness. Thin legs, arms, middle, and face. This is the image given to our country f how a woman should look.

I just have one question....

Ladies, love your body for what it is. Don't strive to be something different because it is what people say you should look like. If you are healthy, then who cares? So go ahead, bare those non touching legs!

Facts About the South: How to Dress

Since I haven't posted about clothing lately, I thought today would be a great chance.

In Georgia, fall does not always mean cool days, beautiful leaves, and bonfires. If you were to have a bonfire in October, you would have to wear bug spray. In the south, we have different seasons: almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas. We consider winter as December to February because it is normally the only time the temperature is actually below or right at 45 degrees.

Due to this season when the leaves are still on the trees and it is cool enough to wear something other than a tank top, our fall fashion is different than the rest of the nation. Typical ensembles you would see are:

               

    

Clothes in the South don't just say a lot about you, they also tell your history. If you dress like these girls in the last picture, people will say you are a "Yank" (slang for Yankee, generally meaning someone not from the South) or you live in the city. Southerners from the city are NOT your typical Southerner.

          

 If you were from a well-to-do family, your style will be more polished, but not high fashion. The rest of the pictures show a laid back style, which is common. We don't make a habit of dressing up, unless your job requires it. Jeans are THE staple piece! Tights and shorts aren't too trendy unless you live in the city.

Shirts are the broadest range of style in the South. They range from old tee shirts, to tank tops, to blouses, depending on your upbringing. Mostly, we wear boots of some type, flats, or tennis shoes with either boot-cut or slim fit jeans. Flip flops signify that you are either in college, or it is summer. Skinny jeans are not as flattering on true Southern women because we tend to be curvy. The woman in the yellow cardigan standing on the street is the most common body type among Southern women.

Our accessories are a matter of preference, but tend to be towards one extreme or the other - either you wear them and they are big and flashy, or you don't. Hair and makeup are a completely different animal all together. Either your hair is perfectly in place and always looks great, or you just let it do it's thing. Makeup is a take it or leave it kind of thing. Again, this is a sign of how you were brought up. 

The absolute biggest thing to prepare for when you come to the South is pride in your team. Football is everything to everyone... except me. I am unclaimed territory when it comes to sports. If you come to Northeast Georgia in the fall, be prepared for a sea of red and black in support of the Georgia Bulldogs. Me on the other hand, I will be in the corner clinging to my guns and religion in hopes that football season will be over with soon.

The Source of True Confidence

Please read this post IN IT'S ENTIRETY before navigating away. Do not become angry, but try to see where I am going with this.

Confidence. We all want it and only a few possess it. But how do we obtain something so illusive? As humans, our confidence can be shattered with only a few harsh words. That's all it takes.

As a Christian, I feel it necessary to let my viewers know where I stand on this thing called  religion. I gave my heart to Jesus at a very young age and have never wavered. As you make have deduced, I am a very outspoken person and that goes double for the issues facing Christianity today and what the Bible says.

Last night the Wednesday service was about how worldly psychology has leaked in to the teaching behind the pulpit and into Christian counseling. This includes how man is not responsible for his actions, that man is in essence born "good" and is corrupted by society, and how we war with our conscience in order for us to decide what is right and wrong.

I would like to make the following points:

1. No man is born "good." We are corrupt because we are born into sin.

When we are born, we are born into a world of sin. No one is truly innocent. If that were the case then we could choose to never do bad and have no need for Jesus

2. We ARE responsible for our actions.

We were given something that no other creature was given: free will. We are the ones that make decisions. we are not controlled by God like a puppet. He chose to let us make decisions, so when we make the decision to follow him it is more meaningful. Think of it like choosing where you lived, what you were allowed to wear, and what food you could eat. If someone else made that decision for you then you wouldn't be as happy. I for one would be miserable! You cannot force love, it just happens. So does our love for Christ.

3. We war against our desire to do wrong and our knowledge of what is right.

Paul put it best when he said "The things I know not to do, I do, and the things I know to do, I do not do." We battle not for the balance between Id and the Superego, we as Christians balance our desire to sin and to please God.

Another tidbit that was in the sermon was about self-confidence. I found this particularly intriguing because of this blog. The number one thing women do is hate on ourselves. We are over critical of our body and how we behave. 

The Bible says that no man truly hates himself, and the more I thought about it the more I saw how true it is. We seek to please ourselves We want to be petted, told we are better than anyone else, and put in the spotlight (I am just as guilty as anyone else in the world). When this is unfulfilled, we call it lacking confidence.

 

Now, with all this said I would like to tell you what direction my blog will be taking form now on.

Instead of satisfying  the desire we have to feel better, I want us to focus on who we are in Christ. We should keep Him first and not focus on the World. Be satisfied in the fact that He made you a wonderful and beautiful creature, no matter what you weight or how you look. He loves you and wants you to love Him back.

Another point I would like to make is that this post is on no way to bash anyone or Christian counselors. The Bible even says that we are too seek good counsel and to lift each other up. I know how it feels to be torn down and made a fool of. I know what it is like to feel worthless and judged because of appearance. It hurts. IT also feels good to know I am not alone and that those things people tell me are in no way true.

I am here to encourage you, dear reader, and to keep you focused on what is truly important. Everyone needs a pick-me-up when they aren't feeling their best. I love encouraging others and helping them find their worth in Christ.

The fashion is also going to focus on modesty. Modest dress (not showing off your assets) is something this world has drifted away from. It hurts me that teen girls are told that to be fashionable, you MUST show off as much skin as you can. Not true! You are even more beautiful if you cover yourself appropriately.

I hope this post will not deter my readers. Please spread the word about this blog. If you wish to contact me on Facebook, I have the information listed on a previous post.

~*Beth*~

Dress to Impress!

When it comes to fashion, I have a very intriguing past. I was never a beauty queen or an ugly Betty. I was just me. I dressed how I felt and that was good enough. When I was in college, I began caring how I dressed. I no longer wanted to be a wallflower. With a size 5 bod, I could wear whatever I wanted and it looked good. That all changed after I got married (as stated in my first post).

Dressing myself no w is much different than when I was in college. I have more curves and I desire to look more like an adult instead of a teenager. It was difficult for me to accept this because I thought adult clothing would be boring. How wrong I was!

Here are some of my rules to rock your body and still look mature.

Rule 1: Learn your body type!

Knowing what body type you have will help you learn how to flatter your figure. Here is a link to a fabulous website that will get you started:
http://www.channel4.com/4beauty/style-me/bodyshapefinder

Rule 2: Skinny jeans are acceptable. Period.

When I wear skinny jeans, I always wear something fuller on top to balance my curves. Also, do not buy skinny jeans from teen stores. They are not cut for fuller legs and are uncomfortable. My favorite skinnies are from Gap Outlet. That is the store I get almost all of my jeans from! Their style is cut more for grown up bods than teens. However, do not limit yourself to stores like that. Aeropostale surprises me with some of their pants. I do not buy denim from their but I found a pair of red trouser skinnies that I could live in!

This is a perfect example of having balance. The top is loose around the belly so it will not cling to our less flattering parts. The boots in the picture are great for fall and winter, but can be switched to cute sandals in the spring and summer or pumps to dress up the look.

Another kind of shirt that goes great with skinny jeans is the peplum style shirts. It nips your waste and covers your hips. They also have skirts and dresses in this style. All of them are wonderful for curves and gives slender figures a bit of a curvy allure. 

Rule 3: Never be afraid of color.

typically when women are fuller figured, they use dark colors to make them look slimmer. While this has an appealing effect, no woman's wardrobe should lack color. If you like darker colors on you, try using bright accents to liven up your look. A colored scarf or beaded necklace can brighten up any outfit!

The bright pop of the yellow shirt makes this outfit a wonderful example! Even though the jacket and pants are darker, the shirt gives it a little something extra. The scarf and bag add in more color.

Rule 4: When wearing short dresses or skirts, tights/leggings are your best friends

You know that dress you didn't buy because it came above you knees? Well, you still could have rocked it! Most people categorize tights in with their itchy cousins, pantyhose. NO! Tights, when bought in the correct size and material, are a basic no female should live without! Tights come in various length, colors, and opacity. I like to buy leggings, the slightly heavier cotton blend cousin of tights.

Because of the length of this dress I would have passed it by in a store. Now that I see it paired with tights I want to find it and make it mine!

Rule 5: LAYER, LAYER, LAYER!!!

One of my obsessions is cardigans. I own a cardigan in almost every color. Why? Because they hide my arms and slim me. Plus it is a fun way to add color to my outfits.

Close to Midnight

While I am still figuring out how to set the correct time on my Blogger account to the correct time, I cannot stop thinking about how wonderful it is that this blog is slowly growing. I do not know who is reading this or how long this will keep going but makes me smile to know that the +50 people who have read my blog have (hopefully) been encouraged through this.

If anyone would like to add me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elizabethyates6912

For those who are Pinterest addicts (like me): http://www.pinterest.com/bethyates6912/boards/

I would love to hear form my readers and get to know them.

One of my greatest loves has always been books. They were my first real friends. Book characters never cared what you looked like or what the kids at school said about you. Book characters always had the most wonderful adventures and never minded if you came along.

I was bullied terribly as a child, so bad in fact that I had to switch schools. I was always thin (as stated in my first post), had curly hair, and an imagination bigger than the sky. Why did other kids not like me? Because I wasn't like them. I wouldn't make the kind of jokes they did. I never was mean to other people for being different. How could I do such a thing? I knew what it felt like and I didn't want anyone else to feel that way.

Empathy was something my grandmother taught me through the strangest, most ingenious way I have ever witnessed. She would always watch me while my parents worked so  learned a lot from her. While we were reading or watching TV, she would always help me to connect to the emotions of the character. If one got hurt she would say "Oh no! How sad" and I would always feel sad because I didn't like the feeling of being hurt and I didn't want the character to get hurt. If the character did something great she would always cheer. It may seem silly but I encourage parents and caregivers to try this. Interact with your child's TV or book characters like they are real people and show your child how they should feel when something (good or bad) happens to them.

As a teacher to middle school kids I am getting to see everything from the other side of the desk. I am fortunate that we only have three girls in our three classes that are old enough to have drama. The best part is that they are all friends, and I mean true friends. There are no squabbles, no drama, just drawing hearts all over each others paper. I know this will not last forever but I am savoring it for as long as I can.

Being in a private school I have more freedom to impress morals and values than I would in public school. I use this the most with my girls. I teach them that beauty is not how thin you are, the clothes you wear, or the way you present yourself. Beauty comes form a soul that is pure, kind, and honest. One of my girls had to write a sentence with the word beauty. She wrote "Pain is beauty." I instantly pulled her aside and told her that beauty should never be painful and f it is then it isn't true beauty. I have thought a lot about that sentence and how it is a travesty that our youth have to believe such nonsense in order to feel worth something.

With my middle school boys (all six of them) I get to witness an evolution that is so remarkable I am constantly in awe. When I first met these boys three years ago, I would have never expected them to bond the way they have. They are all like brothers and I could not be more proud of the gentlemen they are turning in to.

Yesterday there was a monsoon that greatly inconvenienced us during dismissal. The youngest boy in the class got out of his dad's car and removed a huge tree branch that had fallen across the driveway, consequently blocking us in. He never asked for help because he didn't want anyone else to have to get wet and be uncomfortable till they got home. I was so impressed with his act of chivalry that I gave him bonus classroom bucks (our class currency in order to buy items in our class store) even though school was over.

Children are such a blessing. When I see a child that isn't being given what they need to succeed my heart just breaks. I told my husband that if we ever got rich I was going to adopt as many foster children as I could and homeschool them. If you have children I encourage you to enrich your child's life as much as you can. I once heard that adults should fill their child's basket so full of self-confidence that the world couldn't poke enough holes in the basket to effect it. Take some time out of your day to encourage a child. Give them a hug and let them know that they are wonderfully loved.

~*Beth*~

Pet Peeves

My list of pet peeves are quite to the point.

• Slow drivers when I'm late
• Wonderfully entertaining book series that are longer than four books (because of pricing)
• People who think I am of less value because of my weight

When people criticize me for gaining weight like I did, I just smile and think to myself

When someone tells me I need to lose weight so I would look more appealing, it makes my blood boil. Plain and simple, my beauty is not for anyone to judge except those I love the most. My husband reminds me constantly that just because I don't look like I used to his love for me is not lessened. He finds me appealing in every way imaginable.

Finding confidence in yourself means letting go of the opinions around you. They may hurt and you may not be able to let them slide off as easily, but know that is because you are a human being with real feelings. I am a prime example of not being able to let go easily, but as soon as I do I always feel better.

Like most women, I want to please people. When I started gaining weight, I faced rebuff from all corners of my social circles, except my husband. I would ask him if he still thought I was beautiful. He would look at me with the sweetest face and say "Yes, you are still beautiful and always will be." For my readers who have been married for several years, you may be gagging at this point but think about this: how much have you longed to hear that from someone? To give you affirmation that you are beautiful despite society's size zero mentality. But I have news for you...

Imagine a beautiful work of art, a picturesque sunset, or a moving scene from your favorite film. Why do those stand out? Because they are different, unique. We are all different and unique, with bodies of all shapes and sizes. Does not having a certain body shape make us any less valuable or beautiful? No. It makes us extraordinary. The next time you are feeling down, remember that you are beautiful for being anything but ordinary.

~*Beth*~