True Beauty

One of the most vague objectives in becoming Proverbs 31 is to show true beauty. I mean, seriously, how are you supposed to do that when there are so many ways to be beautiful. If you were to look at the American style of beauty (according to media) you would see stick thin women wearing flamboyant makeup, revealing a lot of skin, and having various hairstyles.

But not everyone is like that. Not even the models in the magazine look like the models in the magazine! Thanks to digital editing and makeup, you can look however you want to.

Is this fabricated standard of beauty the true beauty we should strive for? To be thin and fake? No!

We are all told that true beauty comes from within. That one's personality is more valuable that the outward appearance. This is true, but beauty shouldn't be based on your personality alone. After all, a pig can have a sweet disposition, but if it rolls in the muck, no one would want it in their house.

There has to be a balance. To take care of one's self but not become overly concerned with appearance. Also, to have a stunning personality that can win over anyone.

On Pinterest (my social media of choice), I see so many posts and debates on which is the perfect body type: skinny, curvy, or fit. I am here to say that there is no one type of body that is perfect.

DO YOU HEAR ME? THERE IS NO PERFECT BODY TYPE!!!

There are PLENTY of things that taste better than skinny OR healthy. Trust me, I have tried almost everything. The only people who are going to criticize your body type are those who are so self conscious that they resort to putting others down to help themselves feel better. So why would you change for them when they clearly don't deserve you?

My dad recently opened up to me about when he was going bald in his early 20's. He said that it bothered him at first, but them he decided to embrace to and shaved his head. Now he makes jokes and brags about his baldness. Like my dad, I am learning to take my insecurities and imperfections and embrace them, instead of change them to satisfy my critics and the narrow-minded media.

Of course, if you don't like something about yourself you can always change it, but don't change yourself and make your life miserable in the process. Do it to make YOU happy!

I had an associate to lose a lot of weight at the beginning of last year. At the same time, I was gaining due to stress. This person would make me feel miserable and put me down every time we were together. It got so bad that I quit hanging out with them and kept our relationship strictly professional. They wanted me to change to be like them, and I refused to conform to how they thought I should be. Yes, it hurt to let go of a friend, but negative influences have no place in my life.

The only person on this earth that I choose to influence me is my husband, and rightly so! After all, it is he who matters most in my life. He loves my body just the way it is. I don't want to change something that my other half sees as so wonderful.

Yesterday, I came home to find that my husband had taken every article of clothing from the bedroom or laundry room and folded them or put them on a hanger, and were ready to be put away. I was speechless! I was so thrilled that he had helped me with the housework! He even paired my cardigans with shirts he thought looked nice together. As I was putting the clothes away, I was noticing the amount of clothing I had and how beautiful they were. Then I asked myself, how much of these clothes show my worth as a woman of God? The answer: NONE.

I have resolved that for Lent, I am going to be more conscious about my clothing, from what I buy to what I wear. I want it to show that God owns me, not the opinions of others. I am not going to shop for the fun of it. I will refrain from shopping at clothing stores unless my husband or a family member is with me. That way, I am less likely to buy unnecessary things. I am also going to be thinning down on my clothes and get rid of anything that is immodest or shows self-focus. I do not want to be noticed for my killer bod (which is long past gone) or fashion sense anymore. I want to show the world that I am not owned by opinions or media anymore. I have grown past that. I am not saying I am going to be like Abnegation (for all of you Divergent fans!) and never think of my appearance or myself. I want to present myself as a woman of God. I want to place my husband before myself, and God before my husband. The best way to achieve this is to purge what I focus on the most - myself - and replace it with the tings that are more important.

Wish me luck!

What I Wanted to Be

Growing up, every girl has a dream of what they imagine growing up will be like. From the kind of hobbies you will have to the man you marry, a girl who dreams can create some big standards for herself.

When I was growing up, I wanted to be a cheerleader, but if you know anything about me I couldn't do that for health reasons. I was 12 and in Rec Department cheerleading when I found out about my scoliosis. The coach was my cousin and knew I wasn't going to be held back by it, so it was never an issue, even with the brace. I was just so happy to finally be a cheerleader!

Then comes age 16: the first (and only) time I tried out for cheerleading.

I made the JV squad since it was my first year and was beyond happy, however I wasn't popular and was the new fish in the sea of pom poms and hair bows. Naturally, I tried my best to smile and come out of my shell in order to fit in. I had a cousin on the squad, which made things easier as far as making friends went. I was welcome by everyone... except the captain. It wasn't anything negative about my cheering or my personality that bugged her. It was the threat of competition. It was made very apparent that she was not captain based on her cheering capability.

I know this sounds like bragging, but I am just speaking truth. All my friends and family told me that I was definitely one of the best on the squad, even the varsity coach said so.

Why is this such a big deal? Isn't this a bit juvenile for you?

Maybe... but that isn't the end of this story.

As time went on, her jealousy turned me against cheerleading and ultimately led me to quitting the squad, a decision I will regret forever.

I did try to reconnect with my inner-cheerleader during college. There were a group of girls who resurrected the Emmanuel cheerleading squad. I had befriended them at the gym, and, after some impressive dance and cheering exercises, they wanted me to join the squad. The unfortunate part was I could never be a cheerleader again. The summer the squad was to debut at camp, I would be having my spine surgery. This was a devastating blow to my mantra of not letting anything hold you back.

Reminiscing on what I wanted to be, life isn't how I expected it to be. At age 13, I wrote down a list of goals I wanted to accomplish in life. Somewhere along the line, I lost the list. To this day I don't have much to show for it. As hard as one may try, there are always limitations that will cause your goals to go unmet. The limitations can be physical, mental, or even spiritual. Whatever the limitations, one should never give up simply because a goal was unmet, or a dream ended. Limitations are not the end of the world. They are a chance to back up and start over.

Maybe now is a good time to reassess my life goals and start a new list, a more mature list. Maybe one with more depth than my 13 year old self had.

Captivating Women

Going through some old documents, I found something that you, my readers, will find inspiring. Today I would like to share a book review I wrote in college.

Captivating, written by John and Stasi Eldredge in 2005, has been an inspiration to women around the world. In the book, the authors discuss a variety of issues women face through the course of their lives, bringing to light how these issues have drug us down and made us feel devalued. They have brought us away from how God originally created women to be … captivating. For example, a little girl twirling in a poufy skirt is showing the world she can be captivating and wishes for her father, who is sitting in his favorite chair, to notice her. Through this small action, she feels lovely and wants her father to notice her. But does he? Women often ask others if they are worthy of love and truly beautiful, whether with words or actions. Sometimes these answers are yes. Other times they are no, and the girl in the example is left disappointed and possibly scarred, thinking that she is not worthy.

In the chapter “What Eve Alone Can Tell,” it mentions that by looking at the story of creation, women can understand how they are supposed to be. As segments of Genesis chapters one and two are dissected for us by the authors, we see the progression of creation. From the beginning of the book, I was enchanted at the truths the authors were revealing. According to the feminist movement, women are not some fragile, kitchen-dwelling creature, they are equal with men. Although a woman can hold any position a man can, there is something the creation story reveals that shows why woman is called the "weaker vessel". Adam was created n the wilds, not the softness and beauty of the garden. 

Within every man is a desire for "roughing it," as well as leading and providing for his family. Adam was a man's man. He gathered and provided, he was given the daunting task of naming all the animals. Eve was blessed to be created within the garden where she never had to gather and provide. She just had to walk up to the nearest tree and eat the fruit. God wanted Adam to keep her safe and protected to fulfill his roles as a man.Women are not supposed to carry the weight of responsibility that men do. The Bible is very clear on the roles of men and women. Man is the head of the house, in which he will face consequences if he leads his family astray. Women are supposed to be caretakers, but not simple housewives that are only supposed to cook, clean, and have babies. That role isn't for everyone. For a further example of women's roles, see Proverbs 31.

So women were created to be emotional, soft, and strong? Yes, they are! Women are actually created to be the most delicate, beautiful, and captivating part of creation. If one were to look at the elevation of intricacy within creation, one would discover that as time goes on, the creature becomes more intricate, more beautiful, and at the pinnacle of it all was woman. All my life I had been put down by other people, both male and female. As a result I had acquired the idea that I am ugly, unaccepted, and worthless, but when I began reading this book I started seeing myself in a different light. Could I really be beautiful, loved, and priceless? At first I couldn't grasp these ideas, but as the book went on I began to see myself differently. I was noticing all the scars life had given me. Still there was something that still ached inside of me. I wanted to know that I am beautiful. To heal that ache I would have to look at the oldest story known: the story of creation. 

The scene begins with the Holy Spirit hovering over the waters in darkness. According to the Bible, the earth was without form. It was the perfect blank canvas, a new lump of clay waiting to be molded. It was the breathless moment before the first line of a play is presented. Then God spoke and created light. Next he made land, a great divide to separate the waters, and he brought the water into one place. The first brush strokes have been made. God next adds detail, designs, and color. Grass, flowers, plants, and trees appear in every direction. God then creates the heavens. Numerous stars began to appear in the void above, and so did the sun and the moon. 

Next are the animals both small and large – land, sea, and air alike. In everything, creation is ascending in its beauty and complexity. It seems like God is becoming more creative as he goes along. Each creature is more intricate than the one before it. All led up to the moment where God places his own image on earth. God created man. Still something was missing. God couldn't fit all his personality into one human being. There had to be a balance to man’s rough and rugged nature. There needed to be woman. 

Imagine the first time Adam saw Eve. I could imagine it resembling the painting of the birth of Venus. Eve’s hair gently caressing her soft skin as all nature stops to watch her. She is the most beautiful of all God’s creation. Eve is the pinnacle of God’s masterpiece, the one thing that completes the world. She holds the loving heart of God in her chest.

As the book continues, it speaks about God being harsh and loving, rugged and delicate at the same time. God’s heart is so big that he had to divide these emotions and needs into two different human beings. The emotions and needs of the genders are separated so that, when brought together, they complete each other. An example of this is how a husband and wife are said to balance each other. Women were created as the more delicate vessel, and the Bible states that it is the man’s job to protect woman. Think about the games kids play. The boys are tackling each other, or fighting with stick-swords to show they are worthy of whatever they are fighting for, while girls are playing princess or some other game that involves them being rescued. They want a knight in shining armor to rescue them from their predicament, whether it is a dragon or, as women grow up, their own broken heart. 

There is a purpose for everything God creates. As Psalms states God knew us from the time we were in our mother’s womb. He created us with a purpose. He created us with needs and wants, as well as the need and desire to be loved. God made woman to be loving, compassionate, emotional, and beautiful. He saved woman for last so she could be the final touch of creation. Without her, creation isn't complete. Eve was God’s piece de resistance. She was the last brushstroke that completed God’s work of art. She saw everything it its entirety, because after her creation God saw that it was good, and he rested.

I'm Back!

After a long three weeks, I am back and better than ever... almost. My back surgery went well and I have had a very minor complication. Apparently I am allergic to certain pain medications. The only thing I am dealing with now is the damaged nerves coming back to life, which will heal in time. After all, my body has three years of damage to fix.

During this time, I had to use aids for walking and getting around. I was issued a walker for at home, and a wheelchair for going out in public. At home, I would sit in the wheelchair because it was the only thing that I was comfortable in. Outside the house, I would use it in stores, restaurants, and other places to keep myself from exhausting and overworking my already tired body.

I have a dear friend who has gone through similar health issues and uses a wheelchair all the time. Even though I only used mine for a few weeks, it gave me a glimpse into her life that I never had before.

What bothered me the most from the experience was the response from society. Never in my life have I gotten looks like I did. It was all pity and fake smiles because someone as "young" as myself was in a wheelchair. I also realized that most stores are NOT friendly to people in my situation. There were some stores I couldn't even get into because of the closeness of the racks. The height of the clothing on the shelves also made it difficult to shop. I was constantly bypassing items because I couldn't get a clear view of them. Store staff were not the least bit helpful, even in stores that I frequent, the clerks were passing me by.

If stores wanted to improve, I would suggest starting with the layout and considering those who cannot reach high to pull down a sweater, or even get through the store. I would also say to train the staff to be more willing to help when they see a need.

In other news, my staples came out Tuesday and I am more like myself than ever. I am no longer relying on my walking aids and am back at school teaching. One great benefit to this surgery was weight loss. I have gone from 183 lbs to 169 lbs in a month! I am very happy for this news. Now I have to lose at least four more pounds and I will be within my BMI. As soon as the doctor clears me for exercise, I am going to begin kettleball and resistance band exercises to help strengthen and tone my body. I do not want to lose too much weight, but I do want to be at a healthy weight and still have killer curves! Also, my family invited Kevin and I on vacation with them, and I definitely want to be able to wear a bikini and look as good as a Kardashian or model Katie Green!

As I go through this transition, I will be posting scoliosis and joint friendly exercises to help those (like me) who want low impact exercises.

Gypsy Life

Since I do not have cable or satellite, I have to make due with Netflix. recently I have been enthralled with "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" and I must say that some of their morals and expectations are awesome!

The views I find most appealing are that women must be virgins to be married, they are raised to be housewives, and their emphasis on family is incredible! I was a virgin bride so I know how hard it is in a sexually driven world to be a virgin. Gypsy's do not allow kissing, where it was fine for me to kiss. I was happy for that because when I kissed Kevin, my now-husband, for the first time I knew I would marry him.

Raising daughters to be housewives is an excellent skill I wish I had learned, and definitely one I want to teach to my daughter(s). When I got married, I didn't have a clue of how to keep a clean house! I am still working on making cleaning a habit, but it is difficult to break 23+years of habit.

Family is something very important to me, and seeing the emphasis the family from the show put on making each child out to be the most special and important. That mentality is wonderful for their confidence! A parent that makes their child feel special creates a positive bond and affirms love to the child in a unique way.

I would say the only things I don't particularly enjoy about the Gypsy culture is the drinking and letting the men do whatever they please. I am not a fan of drinking period so of course I would see fault with that. However, letting the men do whatever they please (right or wrong) is not good. Not having accountability for ANY gender, race, or group of people is wrong. It lets in bad habits that have the potential to ruin lives.

One part I am undecided on is the way the women dress. I grew up in a house where modesty is emphasized so it was very foreign to see young teenagers dress in minimal clothes. I know, however, that it is their culture to dress that way, just like it is for them to dance the way they do. Again, I was brought up where dancing like that was a sin because it evoked lust. In their culture, where girls marry at a very young age and are not allowed to really be around boys, I can see where dancing like that is justifiable. It is a form of courtship. Much like courtship dances in birds of paradise, Gypsy women show off their dance moves to attract a husband.

Learning about the Gypsy and Traveler lifestyle has really opened my eyes to their world. It is really a fascinating culture and I have greatly benefited from this glimpse into their world. I would love to know more.

Designed

My mom shared this video today and it disgusted me. It shows how models are made to look like a model. We think that the woman above has makeup, maybe a wig, and great lighting right? Watch it and see.

In the US, the estimated population of women in 2012 was a little over 50%. Glamour magazine says that approximately 97% of women will be cruel to their body. This can include anything from having cruel thoughts to eating disorders.

As much as I have talked about women having distorted views of beauty, I have never addressed men and their views of women. Most women would say that men are pigs. They only have one thing on their minds, and you know what, it's true! That's how men are designed to think so let's give them a break! They are designed by God to work to "bring home the bacon" and reproduce. That's what they are! They are driven by a woman's beauty because that's how they are wired. Each male is also wired to have a different standard of beauty for his spouse. My husband loves my curves, brown hair, and pale skin. Other men would prefer thin redheads, busty and tan blondes, or an African goddess (not trying to be racist or stereotypical in any way). In this case I can truly say to each, his own. Just like we have a favorite color or dessert, men have a favorite type of woman.

Women are designed for nurturing and providing care of their offspring, and making a house into a home. The president's wife of my college said that her favorite time of the school year was when the girls moved into the dorms. She would always walk around to see how they took the small rooms and made them into a beautiful and cozy miniature home. We all have our own unique kind of beauty that makes us desirable to our husbands. After all, that's why they picked us and not someone else. It is finding that beauty (even through the extra 15 pounds or grey hair) and realizing that we are still the same. I am still the same quirky, outspoken Disney-loving teacher I was when I married my husband, despite my weight.

My challenge to you, reader, is to find that beauty within and set her free. She may not be a magazine-worthy model like the girl at the end of the video, but think about the girl at the beginning. She is just as beautiful as the girl she is photographed as, maybe even more beautiful because she is REAL. Be real. Be you.

Revival

After posting about how I am growing apathetic to fashion, I believe someone prayed that I would get my spunk back. Well, after surfing Pinterest and visiting my "Inspiration" board, I have got my pep back!

Today, I am going to show three looks for curvy ladies that earn major brownie points!



While this look is modest, I just love it! The print, the color, it is all fabulous! Great for the office or classroom, this look is timeless.

This look is perfect for fall:



Boots, tights, a warm oversized cardigan, AND a mini dress? Wow! This girl has got it going on!


This next look is more for spring, but the colors can be changed to suit whatever season you are in.



I just LOVE it! Pairing a denim jacket with a dress makes the outfit suitable for more casual occasions, or for date night when paired with cute heels.

While I have been in a fashion rut, I am trying to revive my closet. With my fashion taste changing, I have gotten rid of a great deal of my clothes. Consequently, this has left me with the things I could not bear to part with, and the few options I have left are, quite frankly, bland. Being married and having to share income AND debt has left me with very little room for shopping. Hopefully soon, I will be able to fill my closet with beautiful clothes again. *sigh*

Noises

This world is full of a lot of noise from people. Noise from their opinions on how you should live your life. Noise of complaints about how hard their life is and your life isn't important. Nose saying how you should dress, look, act, and think.

In the midst of all the noise in my life, I have somehow found a much quieter place where I can go to think. In that quiet place I can only hear the sounds of nature. Wind whispering through the leaves. The water of the pond coming alive with birds and amphibians. The sound of a family of hummingbirds flitting back and forth between flowers.

This is a place at my parents' house where I could go and think.Their entire pasture was my walking/horse riding trail where I could escape the noise.

The noise of nature is much more appealing. It is this kind of noise that helps wash away all the negative noise of others around me. The sensation is similar to taking a warm shower when you have been soaked by cold rain.

The noises we have in our life come in all volumes and pitches. It can be a loud, deep pitch that blocks out all other noises, or a quieter, high pitch that annoys you. Among all the noises in my life right now, I am beginning to find ways to silence those noises.

There are many ways to deal with noise. You can confront whatever is making the noise and silence the source. For example, if a noise is consonantly making you feel bad, you can tell the noise how you feel. The noise could even change its tune and be a positive noise.

However, if a noise is hurtful and you have tried to confront the noise, you may have to not be around that noise. So far, I have found that removing yourself from a noisy situation is one of the best ways to get rid of noise. I have one noise in particular that always makes me feel miserable and less than who I really am. My way of dealing? I stay away from that noise. When you can't hear the noise, it no longer has effect on you.


Not all noises are bad. My quiet place is full of noise, but it is noise that doesn't bombard me. Cling to the noise that you want to listen to. I give this advice with caution, though. Sometimes noise we think is good noise is actually a harmful noise in disguise. Do not seek constant flattery, but instead seek a healthy range of noises. I know one person who has proclaimed that they will only have positive noises in their life. The harm: sometimes we need a sharp noise to keep us in check. If our pride gets to big, we need a noise to remind us that life isn't just about us. If we get into things we shouldn't, we need a voice to remind us that we are better than that. At the same time, if we get down, we need a voice that will lift us up. It is all about having balance.

My challenge, reader, is to evaluate the voices in your life. See if there are some you can let go. See if there are some noises you need to thank for keeping you in check. See if you need a specific noise to enrich your life. Who knows, maybe you could be the noise someone else needs to complete their life.

Hello, my name is...

I have been give the honor of working with the youth of my church to perform a drama. We have three weeks to get it flawless and I know my kids will rise to the occasion! Last night we assigned parts, and worked through the first half of the song. Everyone is so excited!

Before we began, I had a mini-lesson on the labels we give ourselves. I asked the kids to think of one negative word they are told. I passed out "Hello, my name is" name tags and the kids wrote down their word. Some of the answers were stupid, weak, pale, misjudged, rude, and insecure. I then read 2 Corinthians 5:17

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."

I told the kids that these words we are called are NOT true. We are not defined by what other people tell us. We are defined by who we are in Christ. If we are saved, we are not the same as we once were because God has changed us.

I handed out a new name tag and told them to write down one truth about themselves. Some of the answers were talented, funny, beautiful, crazy, a Christian, and passionate. (That last one was obviously mine.) Next, we ripped up our old name tags and replaced them with a new and better one, just like Christ makes us better when we are saved.

The kids really enjoyed hearing this message because it isn't something that is normally taught. We don't always hear the positive in our lives. We tend to focus on the negative. Even at middle and high school age, we are already deprived of hearing that we aren't stupid or ugly.

I encourage you, reader, to speak truth into the lives of those around you. This means deflecting the lies that the world tells. Let your daughter know she is beautiful. Let your son know he is strong. Let your husband know how wonderful he is. Be an encourager.

Friendship: leeches and lovers

As stated in my post yesterday, I have set forth goals for this weekend.

How are they going?

Well I am glad you asked! I have painted my nails in a beautiful shade of blue and have begun laundry, as well as cleaning out my shoe collection. Tomorrow will most likely be the big cleaning day for me. I really want to accomplish my goals!

In the midst of all of this, I got to hang out with one of my girlfriends I haven't seen in a couple of weeks. You know those people who you get along so well with but they live kinda far away? That's her. I treasure the time we spend together and look forward to the times she can come over.

Finding a kindred spirit is one of the hardest searches in my life. I know so many people who can make friends no matter where they go (my husband is a great example), but it is difficult for me.

When it comes to making friends I have more standards than a middle school girl does for her future husband. I want someone who is genuine and caring. Someone who has similar interests and beliefs as me. I found this quote that fits perfectly with what I find a great quality in friends:

We have all had at least one friend who went about friendship selfishly. They were only interested if the other person could benefit them. They seek out emotional fulfillment and never offer it back. They seek material gain and never sacrifice for the other. "Friends" like this are like leeches. They can drain you of life and resources.

I can think of my one friend. When I came to this realization, I was devastated. This was not the first time I had encountered a person who wanted to use me only to benefit themselves. The first person I knew invited me over to her house only to make fun of me at school the next week, or as a playmate they could push around.

Leeches can leave nasty scars. They can make you distrusting and lower your self-esteem. When looking for a true friend, seek someone who is more like a lover. They want to please you and make you happy. They aren't afraid to make themselves less to uplift you. Of course, when we find someone like this we should treat them the same as they treat us. We should desire to lift them up and please them just as much. Doing so will create a bond between the two of you that no amount of ail salon days or shopping trips could ever compare to.

When I think of a model friendship, I think of David and Jonathan in the Bible. If you haven't heard the story I highly suggest reading it!

How have you dealt with the leeches and lovers in your life? I would love to hear you stories.