Becoming Proverbs 31

All my life, I have wanted to be a wife. There was no question that I would marry a Godly man, raise Godly children, and be involved with my church. That was my vision for the future.

How did it turn out?

I am married (obviously), still waiting on the kids, and I spend every day except Saturday at church either teaching at the school, leading youth group, or attending services.

Seems great, right?

Over the past several months, I have been a very cold person. I have no close friendships, and have almost resolved to not make new ones. I don't want anyone except my family in my life right now. Why am I so bitter? Because I have experienced great pain and loss involving letting people into my life. My relationship with my husband has become stand-offish, a terrible thing to have. I keep him, and everyone for that matter, at arms length in fear of being hurt. Beginning with student teaching, my life has been a downward spiral into a pit of despair. I need healing. I need rescuing.

Lately God has been dealing quite heavily with me on my behavior. I have become isolated. I have covered myself up in order to avoid being hurt. In doing so, I have cut off the viable things of life, such as human relations. I have taken away a necessity for me to be healthy and thriving. I can feel the drought in my soul.

What am I to do?

To begin my journey of healing, I turned to the Bible. As a Christian, my desire is to align myself with God's word. But more specifically, I needed to align myself with the example God has given for a woman. In Proverbs 31, we read about the virtuous woman. She is an influential woman of God who is fully capable of handling anything that comes her way with grace and integrity.

Upon further research, I have come across these points and verses for how to be a Godly woman:

1. Put God first (Commandment number one, and Matthew 6:33-34)
2. Conduct yourself in a holy manner (Proverbs 7:18-29)
3. Speak and act truthfully and faithfully (7:18-29, 31:26)
4. Look after and care for your home (Proverbs 31:13, Titus 2:5)
5. Serve others (Proverbs 31: 15,20)
6. Be trustworthy (Proverbs 31:13)
7. Be financially responsible (Proverbs 31:16, 24)
8. Work hard (Proverbs 31:17, 19)
9. Have an honorable reputation (Proverbs 31:23)
10: Be meek and humble (Proverbs 9:13, 7:11, 31:26, 2 Timothy 2:24, 1 Peter 3:1-7)
11. Seek sound Biblical wisdom (Proverbs 31:26)
12. Serve the Lord fully (there are many verses for this, but I like Colossians 3:23 the best)
13.  Dress modestly and show true beauty (Proverbs 7:10)

These thirteen points seem like a lot, but it is what I (or any woman for that matter) should do in order to become the woman she is called to be according to the Bible. I look forward to sharing my journey with you, reader, and challenge you to align yourself with these standards with me. After all, it is better to travel together than to venture out alone.

God Bless.

Captivating Women

Going through some old documents, I found something that you, my readers, will find inspiring. Today I would like to share a book review I wrote in college.

Captivating, written by John and Stasi Eldredge in 2005, has been an inspiration to women around the world. In the book, the authors discuss a variety of issues women face through the course of their lives, bringing to light how these issues have drug us down and made us feel devalued. They have brought us away from how God originally created women to be … captivating. For example, a little girl twirling in a poufy skirt is showing the world she can be captivating and wishes for her father, who is sitting in his favorite chair, to notice her. Through this small action, she feels lovely and wants her father to notice her. But does he? Women often ask others if they are worthy of love and truly beautiful, whether with words or actions. Sometimes these answers are yes. Other times they are no, and the girl in the example is left disappointed and possibly scarred, thinking that she is not worthy.

In the chapter “What Eve Alone Can Tell,” it mentions that by looking at the story of creation, women can understand how they are supposed to be. As segments of Genesis chapters one and two are dissected for us by the authors, we see the progression of creation. From the beginning of the book, I was enchanted at the truths the authors were revealing. According to the feminist movement, women are not some fragile, kitchen-dwelling creature, they are equal with men. Although a woman can hold any position a man can, there is something the creation story reveals that shows why woman is called the "weaker vessel". Adam was created n the wilds, not the softness and beauty of the garden. 

Within every man is a desire for "roughing it," as well as leading and providing for his family. Adam was a man's man. He gathered and provided, he was given the daunting task of naming all the animals. Eve was blessed to be created within the garden where she never had to gather and provide. She just had to walk up to the nearest tree and eat the fruit. God wanted Adam to keep her safe and protected to fulfill his roles as a man.Women are not supposed to carry the weight of responsibility that men do. The Bible is very clear on the roles of men and women. Man is the head of the house, in which he will face consequences if he leads his family astray. Women are supposed to be caretakers, but not simple housewives that are only supposed to cook, clean, and have babies. That role isn't for everyone. For a further example of women's roles, see Proverbs 31.

So women were created to be emotional, soft, and strong? Yes, they are! Women are actually created to be the most delicate, beautiful, and captivating part of creation. If one were to look at the elevation of intricacy within creation, one would discover that as time goes on, the creature becomes more intricate, more beautiful, and at the pinnacle of it all was woman. All my life I had been put down by other people, both male and female. As a result I had acquired the idea that I am ugly, unaccepted, and worthless, but when I began reading this book I started seeing myself in a different light. Could I really be beautiful, loved, and priceless? At first I couldn't grasp these ideas, but as the book went on I began to see myself differently. I was noticing all the scars life had given me. Still there was something that still ached inside of me. I wanted to know that I am beautiful. To heal that ache I would have to look at the oldest story known: the story of creation. 

The scene begins with the Holy Spirit hovering over the waters in darkness. According to the Bible, the earth was without form. It was the perfect blank canvas, a new lump of clay waiting to be molded. It was the breathless moment before the first line of a play is presented. Then God spoke and created light. Next he made land, a great divide to separate the waters, and he brought the water into one place. The first brush strokes have been made. God next adds detail, designs, and color. Grass, flowers, plants, and trees appear in every direction. God then creates the heavens. Numerous stars began to appear in the void above, and so did the sun and the moon. 

Next are the animals both small and large – land, sea, and air alike. In everything, creation is ascending in its beauty and complexity. It seems like God is becoming more creative as he goes along. Each creature is more intricate than the one before it. All led up to the moment where God places his own image on earth. God created man. Still something was missing. God couldn't fit all his personality into one human being. There had to be a balance to man’s rough and rugged nature. There needed to be woman. 

Imagine the first time Adam saw Eve. I could imagine it resembling the painting of the birth of Venus. Eve’s hair gently caressing her soft skin as all nature stops to watch her. She is the most beautiful of all God’s creation. Eve is the pinnacle of God’s masterpiece, the one thing that completes the world. She holds the loving heart of God in her chest.

As the book continues, it speaks about God being harsh and loving, rugged and delicate at the same time. God’s heart is so big that he had to divide these emotions and needs into two different human beings. The emotions and needs of the genders are separated so that, when brought together, they complete each other. An example of this is how a husband and wife are said to balance each other. Women were created as the more delicate vessel, and the Bible states that it is the man’s job to protect woman. Think about the games kids play. The boys are tackling each other, or fighting with stick-swords to show they are worthy of whatever they are fighting for, while girls are playing princess or some other game that involves them being rescued. They want a knight in shining armor to rescue them from their predicament, whether it is a dragon or, as women grow up, their own broken heart. 

There is a purpose for everything God creates. As Psalms states God knew us from the time we were in our mother’s womb. He created us with a purpose. He created us with needs and wants, as well as the need and desire to be loved. God made woman to be loving, compassionate, emotional, and beautiful. He saved woman for last so she could be the final touch of creation. Without her, creation isn't complete. Eve was God’s piece de resistance. She was the last brushstroke that completed God’s work of art. She saw everything it its entirety, because after her creation God saw that it was good, and he rested.

Decay (WARNING: CONTAINS OFFENSIVE MATERIAL)

For some reason, God is wanting me to write a novel. I told this to my husband yesterday as I was filling up yet another page of notes. Provoked by three messages I heard yesterday, this post comes with a warming label. It is offensive. It is cold. It will make most people mad, but then again so did Jesus. Why do you think they wanted to crucify him?

I do not apologize for what I am about to write, but don't say I didn't warn you about the hard truth you will find in this post.

Today's topic is the decay of a once moral society we call America.

50 years ago, it seemed like everyone went to church. Why? Because the Bible says to do so. Children respected their parents because God told them to in the Bible. Women were much more modest and respected the authority of their husbands because they wanted to please God. Everything in America was directed back to God.

"Well that's not what the TV says."

I asked my grandmother, who witnessed firsthand the respect Americans had for Jesus and His church. Yes this time period had their evils, but it was nothing compared to today.

"Where has all this so called evil come from and who gives you the right to call it that? After all, your life is defined by you and not what some old book says."

On the contrary, this book - the breathed and divinely inspired word of God - has clearly defined what is right and wrong according to God Himself. He was the one who told the recorders of His word what to write. He was the one who guided the canonization of the Bible.

In the beginning of the Bible is the story of Creation, and the Garden of Eden. This garden was magnificent. It was so perfect, in fact, that the name Eden has come to be a label in which we give to any place that is beautiful and perfect. Within this garden, Adam and Eve were free to do whatever they wanted except one thing: not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. They had one job to do... and they failed. It was because of their desire to become equal to God, they each ate the fruit and condemned the entire world.

The consequences of that decision and the desire to be equal to God are forever ingrained in the DNA of humanity. Ever since The Fall, mankind strives for one thing and one thing alone: to feed their selfishness. We always want more. We always want to put ourselves over everyone else. We focus on on our failures and our needs and our wants before we would ever consider another person's. We are selfish human beings.

Why do you think babies cry? It certainly isn't because they are happy. We are brought into this world with selfish desires! How then could we ever say that a baby is innocent when it would choose its own happiness over yours. It wakes up in the middle of the night screaming because it wants its needs fulfilled. "Forget sleep, mom, come feed me!"

Can you imagine never making a bad decision? That would be great! Well, that is how Adam and Eve lived. They didn't know about bad choices so they never made any. They only knew good. I have always thought that the name of the tree in Eden was very fitting. The moment Adam and Eve ate of the tree, they knew of evil for the first time.

Because we have now obtained the knowledge of good and evil, we now have the ability to manipulate what is considered good and evil. We have perverted the definition of good so that we can yet again fulfill our selfish desires and hold no accountability for our actions. We have blurred the line between the two, and in doing so we have created three poisons to a moral society: relativism, humanism, and tolerance.

Relativism is one of the most prominent poisons of young adults. In college, I saw relativism at it's finest. Even on a Christian campus, I had so many people tell me that my beliefs may be fine for me, but it isn't something they choose to believe in. Like it would make a difference! Choosing not to believe something is a terrible choice to make. I could choose not to believe that if I drive 100 miles per hour through town in front of a police officer, I won't get pulled over. Whoever tries that, let me know how it turns out for you.

Choosing not to believe in what God's word says, especially if it has been read to you, is the same as saying you choose not to believe in the law of gravity or that the police won't pull you over for breaking the law. One of my favorite things to tell people who say they like to choose what you believe is this: God is not a buffet. You can't pick what you want and leave the rest.

Another poison to a moral society is humanism. The dictionary.com definition is:

an outlook or system of thought attaching prime importance to human rather than divine or supernatural matters. Humanist beliefs stress the potential value and goodness of human beings, emphasize common human needs, and seek solely rational ways of solving human problems

Hmmm. This sounds familiar. Again, I would like to direct your attention to the story of Adam and Eve. What was it that the serpent said to Eve? Oh yeah! If you eat of the tree then you will be equal with God. The serpent not only appealed to Eve with the potential to be her own god, but also placed doubt about God and His rule. "Did God really say that?"

This right here, ladies and gentleman, is the start of Humanism.

You are your own god. You make your own decisions about what right and wrong is. After all, you now have the knowledge. Who needs some spiritual being telling you what to do?

Another point Humanism makes is the focus of the goodness and potential of humans. Remember that baby I mentioned? I'm pretty sure that selfishness is not a trait I would consider good.

When dealing with someone who thinks their goodness is enough, ask them have they ever hated someone. Have they stolen? Have they lied? Have they ever lusted? If they say yes to those then remind them that they are a hating, lusting, lying thief. How could that be considered good?

The last poison that I will discuss is tolerance. Tolerance is the acceptance of any lifestyle or belief that you do not always agree with, but you coexist with. I think of tolerance as being like a glass box. You can see what is going on in the life of the person, but because we are supposed to be tolerant, we cannot touch them.

Now aren't we supposed to be tolerant? I mean, not everyone is supposed to agree with everything. That may be true, but by saying that you are surrendering to that lifestyle of belief. The Bible says that we are constantly at war on a spiritual battlefield. Tolerance is the white flag. When Christians declare tolerance, they are surrendering to whatever they are fighting against.

If you have made it this far into the post, then I congratulate you and thank you for your time. All the points I have made are hard to swallow, but if you will open your heart to them, you will see that this society has injected moral poison and has now decayed into a self-loving, self-worshiping society. America is no longer the superpower it was due to relativism, humanism, and tolerance. It accepts anything that comes down the pipe.

Except for one thing.

Jesus.

If American Christians can repent of their selfish ways and come back to God, this country could see a revival that would change the course of history. But until that day comes, we will continue to deteriorate into the shadow of what we once were.

Wake up, America. Wake up, and pray.

Dealing with It

this week during our group devotion time, I have been discussing salvation. God really laid it hard and heavy on my heart on Sunday when I was planning. I was focusing especially hard on the Old Testament law such as what it was and how it tied in to Christianity today.

Day 1: We are never good enough (Matthew 5:17-20)
Day 2: If we are in Christ, we are free from the law. However, if it wasn't for the law, we would not know what is sin and how inadequate we are (Romans 7:4-7)
Day 3: We are free from the law of sin and death. We are not to focus on the things of the flesh, or earthly things, but on spiritual things instead (Romans 8:1-9)
Day 4 (today): The story of Nicodemus (Luke 3:1-19)

After reading, a student who is a self-declared Atheist slipped me a note saying that it is things like my devotions that make him glad he is an Atheist because he does not have to believe any of it. I was taken aback by his defiant and rude letter.Immediately I wanted to pull him out and tell him how disrespectful he is.

This, of course, is not the right action.

In the past, I was always the first to react to someone's disrespect of my God and my beliefs. Now my heart breaks for him. He is simply acting out as a way of showing conviction. He has questioned me on several occasions on my beliefs, to which I always give a proper response. Now I am in uncharted waters. I am dealing with a student instead of a peer, who is at a pivotal point in his life.

Today I am praying and researching on how to best deal with this situation. Your prayers and support are greatly appreciated.

Gypsy Life

Since I do not have cable or satellite, I have to make due with Netflix. recently I have been enthralled with "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" and I must say that some of their morals and expectations are awesome!

The views I find most appealing are that women must be virgins to be married, they are raised to be housewives, and their emphasis on family is incredible! I was a virgin bride so I know how hard it is in a sexually driven world to be a virgin. Gypsy's do not allow kissing, where it was fine for me to kiss. I was happy for that because when I kissed Kevin, my now-husband, for the first time I knew I would marry him.

Raising daughters to be housewives is an excellent skill I wish I had learned, and definitely one I want to teach to my daughter(s). When I got married, I didn't have a clue of how to keep a clean house! I am still working on making cleaning a habit, but it is difficult to break 23+years of habit.

Family is something very important to me, and seeing the emphasis the family from the show put on making each child out to be the most special and important. That mentality is wonderful for their confidence! A parent that makes their child feel special creates a positive bond and affirms love to the child in a unique way.

I would say the only things I don't particularly enjoy about the Gypsy culture is the drinking and letting the men do whatever they please. I am not a fan of drinking period so of course I would see fault with that. However, letting the men do whatever they please (right or wrong) is not good. Not having accountability for ANY gender, race, or group of people is wrong. It lets in bad habits that have the potential to ruin lives.

One part I am undecided on is the way the women dress. I grew up in a house where modesty is emphasized so it was very foreign to see young teenagers dress in minimal clothes. I know, however, that it is their culture to dress that way, just like it is for them to dance the way they do. Again, I was brought up where dancing like that was a sin because it evoked lust. In their culture, where girls marry at a very young age and are not allowed to really be around boys, I can see where dancing like that is justifiable. It is a form of courtship. Much like courtship dances in birds of paradise, Gypsy women show off their dance moves to attract a husband.

Learning about the Gypsy and Traveler lifestyle has really opened my eyes to their world. It is really a fascinating culture and I have greatly benefited from this glimpse into their world. I would love to know more.

Marriage Isn't For You

This article showed up on a Facebook page of a friend of mine who had recently been married. This concerned me at first until I read the comments. I am here to say that marriage isn't for me. Read the article and see why:

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

Designed

My mom shared this video today and it disgusted me. It shows how models are made to look like a model. We think that the woman above has makeup, maybe a wig, and great lighting right? Watch it and see.

In the US, the estimated population of women in 2012 was a little over 50%. Glamour magazine says that approximately 97% of women will be cruel to their body. This can include anything from having cruel thoughts to eating disorders.

As much as I have talked about women having distorted views of beauty, I have never addressed men and their views of women. Most women would say that men are pigs. They only have one thing on their minds, and you know what, it's true! That's how men are designed to think so let's give them a break! They are designed by God to work to "bring home the bacon" and reproduce. That's what they are! They are driven by a woman's beauty because that's how they are wired. Each male is also wired to have a different standard of beauty for his spouse. My husband loves my curves, brown hair, and pale skin. Other men would prefer thin redheads, busty and tan blondes, or an African goddess (not trying to be racist or stereotypical in any way). In this case I can truly say to each, his own. Just like we have a favorite color or dessert, men have a favorite type of woman.

Women are designed for nurturing and providing care of their offspring, and making a house into a home. The president's wife of my college said that her favorite time of the school year was when the girls moved into the dorms. She would always walk around to see how they took the small rooms and made them into a beautiful and cozy miniature home. We all have our own unique kind of beauty that makes us desirable to our husbands. After all, that's why they picked us and not someone else. It is finding that beauty (even through the extra 15 pounds or grey hair) and realizing that we are still the same. I am still the same quirky, outspoken Disney-loving teacher I was when I married my husband, despite my weight.

My challenge to you, reader, is to find that beauty within and set her free. She may not be a magazine-worthy model like the girl at the end of the video, but think about the girl at the beginning. She is just as beautiful as the girl she is photographed as, maybe even more beautiful because she is REAL. Be real. Be you.

Growing Apathetic

As I am searching for who I am, there are things I am finding that have lost my interest.

Heaven forbid that a fashionista like myself ever lose interest in clothing... but I have. The last time I went shopping, I was disappointed in the selection of clothing the stores had to offer. Call it a sign of maturity, but I have all but given up on looking like I just stepped out of a magazine. Clothing nowadays is so short, tight, and geared towards Twiggy looking kids that I have no use for it anymore. When I was a size 8, fashion seemed to come naturally... and that was just two years ago! I could walk in to any store and grab my size and look good in it. If I were to do that now, I would end up buying maybe one thing: a pair of shoes or jewelry. My size may be larger, but my body shape is the same (if that makes any sense).

Here I am at a size 8 and unwed. Still curvy through the hips and no thigh gap. A juicy pear shape.

This is what I want to be like again.

Talking to my husband about my weight, I asked him what his ideal body type was for women. He said confidence and I immediately thought "oh you liar."

Is anyone else having this battle? Wanting to please their husband, but he gives you answers like mine did?

Ugh.

With my growing apathy towards fashion, I realize that even if I wasn't a size 12, I would have less of a desire to dress like I used to. I don't want to impress anyone and I certainly don't want attention from any male other than my husband. With this, I am choosing clothes that are modest, mature, and professional. I am still in blue jeans every single day, but I am not casual like my sister who wears tennis shoes and tee shirts. I couldn't be that casual.

Anyone with advice or that can encourage the one who is supposed to be the encourager, please comment or message me. I could really use it.

Close to Midnight

While I am still figuring out how to set the correct time on my Blogger account to the correct time, I cannot stop thinking about how wonderful it is that this blog is slowly growing. I do not know who is reading this or how long this will keep going but makes me smile to know that the +50 people who have read my blog have (hopefully) been encouraged through this.

If anyone would like to add me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elizabethyates6912

For those who are Pinterest addicts (like me): http://www.pinterest.com/bethyates6912/boards/

I would love to hear form my readers and get to know them.

One of my greatest loves has always been books. They were my first real friends. Book characters never cared what you looked like or what the kids at school said about you. Book characters always had the most wonderful adventures and never minded if you came along.

I was bullied terribly as a child, so bad in fact that I had to switch schools. I was always thin (as stated in my first post), had curly hair, and an imagination bigger than the sky. Why did other kids not like me? Because I wasn't like them. I wouldn't make the kind of jokes they did. I never was mean to other people for being different. How could I do such a thing? I knew what it felt like and I didn't want anyone else to feel that way.

Empathy was something my grandmother taught me through the strangest, most ingenious way I have ever witnessed. She would always watch me while my parents worked so  learned a lot from her. While we were reading or watching TV, she would always help me to connect to the emotions of the character. If one got hurt she would say "Oh no! How sad" and I would always feel sad because I didn't like the feeling of being hurt and I didn't want the character to get hurt. If the character did something great she would always cheer. It may seem silly but I encourage parents and caregivers to try this. Interact with your child's TV or book characters like they are real people and show your child how they should feel when something (good or bad) happens to them.

As a teacher to middle school kids I am getting to see everything from the other side of the desk. I am fortunate that we only have three girls in our three classes that are old enough to have drama. The best part is that they are all friends, and I mean true friends. There are no squabbles, no drama, just drawing hearts all over each others paper. I know this will not last forever but I am savoring it for as long as I can.

Being in a private school I have more freedom to impress morals and values than I would in public school. I use this the most with my girls. I teach them that beauty is not how thin you are, the clothes you wear, or the way you present yourself. Beauty comes form a soul that is pure, kind, and honest. One of my girls had to write a sentence with the word beauty. She wrote "Pain is beauty." I instantly pulled her aside and told her that beauty should never be painful and f it is then it isn't true beauty. I have thought a lot about that sentence and how it is a travesty that our youth have to believe such nonsense in order to feel worth something.

With my middle school boys (all six of them) I get to witness an evolution that is so remarkable I am constantly in awe. When I first met these boys three years ago, I would have never expected them to bond the way they have. They are all like brothers and I could not be more proud of the gentlemen they are turning in to.

Yesterday there was a monsoon that greatly inconvenienced us during dismissal. The youngest boy in the class got out of his dad's car and removed a huge tree branch that had fallen across the driveway, consequently blocking us in. He never asked for help because he didn't want anyone else to have to get wet and be uncomfortable till they got home. I was so impressed with his act of chivalry that I gave him bonus classroom bucks (our class currency in order to buy items in our class store) even though school was over.

Children are such a blessing. When I see a child that isn't being given what they need to succeed my heart just breaks. I told my husband that if we ever got rich I was going to adopt as many foster children as I could and homeschool them. If you have children I encourage you to enrich your child's life as much as you can. I once heard that adults should fill their child's basket so full of self-confidence that the world couldn't poke enough holes in the basket to effect it. Take some time out of your day to encourage a child. Give them a hug and let them know that they are wonderfully loved.

~*Beth*~