I'm NOT a Hanger!

Recently, I saw a picture depicting the different types of body. The first one was labeled "normal" and had non-touching legs, flat tummy, and small chest. The next one was "chubby" and depicted a not-so-flat middle, touching legs, and a larger chest. It went on and on until the person was unhumanly large. The entire post made me quite upset, naturally.

To label something normal means there has to be a norm to begin with. We would say that it is normal for someone to have all the appropriate body parts. We would consider it abnormal if someone was born without arms or legs (but we love them nonetheless). We consider it abnormal for a parent to hate their child, because parents love their children. To say that a certain body type is normal shows a narrow-minded view of the diversity of the world. It is no less insulting to say that a certain skin color is normal and all others are abnormal and should be changed. Why should we give a pass to someone who thinks everyone should be skinny?

I have come to the conclusion that the reason they use skinny models is because they are not powerful enough to take on the clothing they wear. I saw a plus size swimsuit model recently who was so beautiful that I didn't notice her swimsuit at all. I could only focus on how radiant she was. She oozed confidence! The swimsuit didn't own her, she owned the swimsuit! It was no longer about the clothing, it was about the person. On the show "Ugly Betty" one of the main characters said "Designers only want to put their clothes on skinny hangers" and it is true. Nobody noticed the hanger, they notice the clothing. I don't want to be a hanger!

Today, I was talking to my students about the importance of being happy with who you are. I told them that there is no such thing as a normal body because God made us all different. I also shared a truth that was told to me by one of the wisest men I have known: the late Preacher Burdette, the pastor who started the church I attend. When I was coming into my teen years, I tried so hard to fit in. He noticed this and said to me "When you try to change yourself or cover up who you really are, it's like you're telling God 'Thanks but I don't like what you'e created'. So be happy with yourself." Even though it was forever ago, that advice remains with me, and I was happy to pass wisdom on to my students.

Now, I make a vow. I will be happy with myself and who God created me to be. Thick, thin, tall, or short, I am just who God wants me to be and I will be thankful that He created me that way.

True Beauty

One of the most vague objectives in becoming Proverbs 31 is to show true beauty. I mean, seriously, how are you supposed to do that when there are so many ways to be beautiful. If you were to look at the American style of beauty (according to media) you would see stick thin women wearing flamboyant makeup, revealing a lot of skin, and having various hairstyles.

But not everyone is like that. Not even the models in the magazine look like the models in the magazine! Thanks to digital editing and makeup, you can look however you want to.

Is this fabricated standard of beauty the true beauty we should strive for? To be thin and fake? No!

We are all told that true beauty comes from within. That one's personality is more valuable that the outward appearance. This is true, but beauty shouldn't be based on your personality alone. After all, a pig can have a sweet disposition, but if it rolls in the muck, no one would want it in their house.

There has to be a balance. To take care of one's self but not become overly concerned with appearance. Also, to have a stunning personality that can win over anyone.

On Pinterest (my social media of choice), I see so many posts and debates on which is the perfect body type: skinny, curvy, or fit. I am here to say that there is no one type of body that is perfect.

DO YOU HEAR ME? THERE IS NO PERFECT BODY TYPE!!!

There are PLENTY of things that taste better than skinny OR healthy. Trust me, I have tried almost everything. The only people who are going to criticize your body type are those who are so self conscious that they resort to putting others down to help themselves feel better. So why would you change for them when they clearly don't deserve you?

My dad recently opened up to me about when he was going bald in his early 20's. He said that it bothered him at first, but them he decided to embrace to and shaved his head. Now he makes jokes and brags about his baldness. Like my dad, I am learning to take my insecurities and imperfections and embrace them, instead of change them to satisfy my critics and the narrow-minded media.

Of course, if you don't like something about yourself you can always change it, but don't change yourself and make your life miserable in the process. Do it to make YOU happy!

I had an associate to lose a lot of weight at the beginning of last year. At the same time, I was gaining due to stress. This person would make me feel miserable and put me down every time we were together. It got so bad that I quit hanging out with them and kept our relationship strictly professional. They wanted me to change to be like them, and I refused to conform to how they thought I should be. Yes, it hurt to let go of a friend, but negative influences have no place in my life.

The only person on this earth that I choose to influence me is my husband, and rightly so! After all, it is he who matters most in my life. He loves my body just the way it is. I don't want to change something that my other half sees as so wonderful.

Yesterday, I came home to find that my husband had taken every article of clothing from the bedroom or laundry room and folded them or put them on a hanger, and were ready to be put away. I was speechless! I was so thrilled that he had helped me with the housework! He even paired my cardigans with shirts he thought looked nice together. As I was putting the clothes away, I was noticing the amount of clothing I had and how beautiful they were. Then I asked myself, how much of these clothes show my worth as a woman of God? The answer: NONE.

I have resolved that for Lent, I am going to be more conscious about my clothing, from what I buy to what I wear. I want it to show that God owns me, not the opinions of others. I am not going to shop for the fun of it. I will refrain from shopping at clothing stores unless my husband or a family member is with me. That way, I am less likely to buy unnecessary things. I am also going to be thinning down on my clothes and get rid of anything that is immodest or shows self-focus. I do not want to be noticed for my killer bod (which is long past gone) or fashion sense anymore. I want to show the world that I am not owned by opinions or media anymore. I have grown past that. I am not saying I am going to be like Abnegation (for all of you Divergent fans!) and never think of my appearance or myself. I want to present myself as a woman of God. I want to place my husband before myself, and God before my husband. The best way to achieve this is to purge what I focus on the most - myself - and replace it with the tings that are more important.

Wish me luck!

What I Wanted to Be

Growing up, every girl has a dream of what they imagine growing up will be like. From the kind of hobbies you will have to the man you marry, a girl who dreams can create some big standards for herself.

When I was growing up, I wanted to be a cheerleader, but if you know anything about me I couldn't do that for health reasons. I was 12 and in Rec Department cheerleading when I found out about my scoliosis. The coach was my cousin and knew I wasn't going to be held back by it, so it was never an issue, even with the brace. I was just so happy to finally be a cheerleader!

Then comes age 16: the first (and only) time I tried out for cheerleading.

I made the JV squad since it was my first year and was beyond happy, however I wasn't popular and was the new fish in the sea of pom poms and hair bows. Naturally, I tried my best to smile and come out of my shell in order to fit in. I had a cousin on the squad, which made things easier as far as making friends went. I was welcome by everyone... except the captain. It wasn't anything negative about my cheering or my personality that bugged her. It was the threat of competition. It was made very apparent that she was not captain based on her cheering capability.

I know this sounds like bragging, but I am just speaking truth. All my friends and family told me that I was definitely one of the best on the squad, even the varsity coach said so.

Why is this such a big deal? Isn't this a bit juvenile for you?

Maybe... but that isn't the end of this story.

As time went on, her jealousy turned me against cheerleading and ultimately led me to quitting the squad, a decision I will regret forever.

I did try to reconnect with my inner-cheerleader during college. There were a group of girls who resurrected the Emmanuel cheerleading squad. I had befriended them at the gym, and, after some impressive dance and cheering exercises, they wanted me to join the squad. The unfortunate part was I could never be a cheerleader again. The summer the squad was to debut at camp, I would be having my spine surgery. This was a devastating blow to my mantra of not letting anything hold you back.

Reminiscing on what I wanted to be, life isn't how I expected it to be. At age 13, I wrote down a list of goals I wanted to accomplish in life. Somewhere along the line, I lost the list. To this day I don't have much to show for it. As hard as one may try, there are always limitations that will cause your goals to go unmet. The limitations can be physical, mental, or even spiritual. Whatever the limitations, one should never give up simply because a goal was unmet, or a dream ended. Limitations are not the end of the world. They are a chance to back up and start over.

Maybe now is a good time to reassess my life goals and start a new list, a more mature list. Maybe one with more depth than my 13 year old self had.

Lovely Legs

This picture made me giggle. It also has inspired today's post!

Way back in the day of your grandmother, curves were highly valued in America. They were a sign of sex appeal. They were a sign of health. They were what men desired.

Women back in the day looked more like this:

Notice her lower half. Large, meaty thighs, a firm tush, and killer calves! This was an ideal woman in the 50's. Her tummy was small, and her hips were full.

For contrast, let us look at an ideal woman model today:

Notice her overall thinness. Thin legs, arms, middle, and face. This is the image given to our country f how a woman should look.

I just have one question....

Ladies, love your body for what it is. Don't strive to be something different because it is what people say you should look like. If you are healthy, then who cares? So go ahead, bare those non touching legs!

Growing Apathetic

As I am searching for who I am, there are things I am finding that have lost my interest.

Heaven forbid that a fashionista like myself ever lose interest in clothing... but I have. The last time I went shopping, I was disappointed in the selection of clothing the stores had to offer. Call it a sign of maturity, but I have all but given up on looking like I just stepped out of a magazine. Clothing nowadays is so short, tight, and geared towards Twiggy looking kids that I have no use for it anymore. When I was a size 8, fashion seemed to come naturally... and that was just two years ago! I could walk in to any store and grab my size and look good in it. If I were to do that now, I would end up buying maybe one thing: a pair of shoes or jewelry. My size may be larger, but my body shape is the same (if that makes any sense).

Here I am at a size 8 and unwed. Still curvy through the hips and no thigh gap. A juicy pear shape.

This is what I want to be like again.

Talking to my husband about my weight, I asked him what his ideal body type was for women. He said confidence and I immediately thought "oh you liar."

Is anyone else having this battle? Wanting to please their husband, but he gives you answers like mine did?

Ugh.

With my growing apathy towards fashion, I realize that even if I wasn't a size 12, I would have less of a desire to dress like I used to. I don't want to impress anyone and I certainly don't want attention from any male other than my husband. With this, I am choosing clothes that are modest, mature, and professional. I am still in blue jeans every single day, but I am not casual like my sister who wears tennis shoes and tee shirts. I couldn't be that casual.

Anyone with advice or that can encourage the one who is supposed to be the encourager, please comment or message me. I could really use it.

Snow White Syndrome

Ok so I have already expressed my love for Snow White. I am a Disney dork. Get over it.

Throughout my life I have been picked on, exiled, and have befriended people that would be considered "beneath me" according to my morals and social class. Why is this? Because of jealous girls.

I call this Snow White Syndrome (S.W.S)

Think about it: Snow White was shunned by the queen because of her beauty (not saying that is the reason I was shunned by others) and befriended those who were outside of her regular circle.

My S.W.S. occurred because of my high moral compass. It all began in grade school. If you were to meet me back then, you would notice immediately that I was not like the other kids. I was mild mannered and wouldn't play with others in my school group. Most often, I would be off singing to myself or playing alone. Why? Because I found my classmates to be crude and annoying. I did not like the games they played or the jokes they made. I was teased for not being like them.

To combat my loneliness, I would read, draw, or pull a Disney Princess and make up songs to sing. My classmates would make fun of my innocent behavior and tried their best to corrupt me. Of course I refused to be like them and separated myself even more from them. I was actually sent to the counselor because I wouldn't socialize.

I finally decided that if I was going to make friends, I would find others who felt the same way I did. I find two lovely ladies: Anastasia and Ashley. They stuck with me through the rest of our grade school days. In middle school, I transferred schools because the bullying was so bad. I though t I was safe, but it only took one girl to undo all of my happiness. She was so jealous of me that she filled my perfume bottle with pine sol, ruining one of my favorite things. She was later dismissed from the school due to other issues.

The bullying didn't stop. High school brought on new pressures: sex, drinking, drugs, leaving my beliefs in order to be accepted, you know the drill. I was able to withstand all of this due to my high moral compass. Yet again, S.W.S was rearing it's pretty little head and labeled me as a goody-goody.

College was the one place where relentless bullying was nonexistent. I was at a Christian school that accepted me just as I was... sort of. Even there I was labeled as a goody-goody with too rigid and narrow-minded beliefs. I guess when they said liberal arts college, they meant it! I wasn't bullied in college, but the label still held me back.

So here I am, a teacher at a private school that accepts my Snow White Syndrome and sees it as valuable. If you suffer from S.W.S in any way, shape, or form, do no try to change your wonderful ways. There is nothing wrong with the way you think, it is the world that has the problem.

Take just a moment to think of the Fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, and all the others. Galatians 5:22-23 lists these nine character traits as something all Christians should posses. I see all of those traits in Snow White. I admire this Disney Princess because she shows the perfect personality of a Christian (minus the constant singing and overly dramatic gestures. That's just Disney). Even through the hardest of times, she never once displayed a disrespectful attitude, nor did she dwell on the fact that the queen wanted her dead. She lived her life with a positive attitude and was grateful for everything, even while being treated like a slave girl and and outcast.

To all of those who have S.W.S of any degree, please do not change. Continue to do good deeds, to have a positive attitude, to see the good in others. Be trusting, be kind, be friendly. Bring joy into the lives of others. Make up songs to sing. Be a Snow White!

~*Beth*~